Stressing less about money

Living in a single income household means good money management is essential. The basics of money management are having a budget and sticking to it. Many couples fight over money and priorities and money-values can differ. Having a budget helps align and bring a couple together over how to manage their money.

Getting started: where is your money going now? I do this exercise annually. We pay for nearly everything either by EFT POS, credit card or bank transfer. To see where our money goes I just need to download the transactions from Internet banking, total them by who the money was paid to (I use pivot tables in excel to make this super fast) and then assign each one a category. These categories match those in my budget, which means I can see how well we did at sticking to it and where price rises (or poor self control) are hitting us.   Categories include: income, expenses like utilities, mortgage, rates, eating out, groceries, school fees, donations, insurance, hobbies, etc etc.   

 

Think about it - how and why do you spend? If you don't have a budget yet this exercise will help you see where you are spending your money. It means you cannot ignore the areas that are your spending weaknesses and are likely to be able to make a much more realistic assessment of your spending behaviour and a budget you can live with.   Often once we realise how much we spend on a particular 'weakness' (eg magazines, coffee, bought lunches) it helps us determine how important that thing is vs what else we could be doing with all that money, as those little 'treats' can really add up.  Often we tell ourselves we 'deserve it'.... but perhaps once you know the total you are spending on those items you'll think of something you deserve more, like a family holidays, which will give you lasting joy through happy memories and relationship building.  Thinking about an expense as how much you spend in total over a year helps bring it into perspective.  $10 might not seem much to have the groceries delivered weekly, but how does $520 sound.... of course everyone has different priorities and time constraints, so that is just one example.

Setting the budget

Start with income. How much will you earn. Try not to count uncertain income like bonuses. This is obviously harder if you are self employed or on commission.   Next, do a first draft based on your past spending. Does it add up or are you going to spend more than you earn? Are you allowing for saving, contingencies, pocket money and gifts (see below)? It has to be realistic or it won't work.   Pare down as needed. Add in inflation or price increases for things like electricity and insurance. Often you'll hear about those on the news. 

Pocket money for grown ups. One way to reduce disagreements about money is to each have some own pocket money. This could even be paid into a separate 'personal' bank account or debit card.  That way if she chooses to spend all hers on golf do-dats or he on shoes there can be no disagreements as it is their 'own' money. It is also good when buying gifts for the other. 

Contingency funds. It is wise to set aside an amount of money that can cover an unplanned necessary purchase such as replacing a dead fridge or washing machine. Also set money aside for car repairs and tyres. 

Savings goals: saving interest, holidays, home maintenance, retirement. If there is spare money, or money redirected from spending that is not really benefiting you, then use it for something you will really benefit from.

Pay off your mortgage faster and save interest. There are many mortgage calculators that can show you how many years you can cut off your mortgage by paying extra off each month. 

Save for a holiday. Open an account and transfer money in each month knowing you have a holiday to look forward to. 

Save for home maintenance jobs like painting, re-roofing etc. protect your investment. 

Save for retirement. Link to Retirement Planning Calculator. 

Taking control of your money and getting financially organized will reduce the stress in your life and give you a better quality of life. It is just a matter of getting started!

 

Helpful resources:

My husband and I found that Buck Pound's book "Dollars and Sense" got us on track as a newly committed couple who had to learn to manage money together.  Here is a link to Buck's Blog: http://buckpound.blogspot.co.nz/

Anita Bell's books, eg. "Your Mortgage and How to Pay it off in Five Years"

Sorted Website.  Has lots of great calculators, information and tools.

Why be organized

Not  surprisingly, I sometimes hear people say "you are SO organized".... The tone of voice varies to include surprise, resignation, disgust (veiled, of course) and awe. I don't think I'm over the top organized, and there is certainly mess and a bit of chaos here and there, but I believe that on the whole being organized is the way to go. Why?

Being able to find things, because they have places they belong and get put in them. A timesaver.

Less stress, eg panicking about what to cook for dinner or running out of food or clean clothes

Harmony, helps every be part of the household routine and benefit from structure and routine, which kids thrive on

More time and energy for what is important. I sincerely believe that being disorganized wastes far more time and energy than getting and staying organized

Ability to cope with unexpected improves. E.g less drama being sick if meals in freezer and washing is not piled up.

Good use of time. When I have a spare 5 mins I can consult my to do list and find a good task to make use of that time. Or just relax knowing things are in hand.

So there you have it. Some reasons to become organized or feel great about your efforts so far!

Homework Time - Years 0 - 2

My son is in year two.  At his first day of school he came home with a reading book, and thus homework was born in our house!  It was a bit of a shock at first, and in hindsight, I took it all a bit too seriously.  However Homework is here to stay, whether I am really convinced about it or not (see the end of this post).  So how to approach it?  Here is what I have learned via trial and error, applicable to years 0, 1, 2, as that is all I have experience with.

1.  Skew the homework toward the start of the week. Energy levels (his and mine) flag as the week goes on, so we try and get the bulk of the homework done early in the week, leaving minimal or no homework for Thursday and Fridays.

2.  Be organised.  The homework 'equipment' is kept in one spot and kept together so that homework time is not spent hunting for the pencil etc.  For practicing writing and number knowledge we have an exercise book kept at home and dedicated to homework.

3.  Start with the least favoured activity.  This is usually numbers for us.  We start in a way that is easy so as to build confidence and a sense of mastery.

4.  Mix it up.  Some ideas:
Sunny day?  Why not get out the chalk and practice the Alphabet on the fence or driveway!
Bounce, skip, march or dance as the facts are learned.  I am no expert on Kinaesthetic learning, except to know that it works.
Use games, educational puzzles etc.
Make a jig-saw puzzle with number facts, timestables etc.
Be on the look out for good resources - articles, games, etc whereever you go.  Toy Libraries and Scholastic catalogues are useful in this regard.
Play shop to practice numeracy.

5.  Engage Technology
Prior to my son starting school, we avoided technology for our kids as we figured they would spend enough of their lives in front of computers.  We soon figured out it was time to enter that world.  An old Mac computer has lots of free educational games on it (CBS Kids is good).  And then there is the iPad.  Well hello happy homework time!!!!!!  Here are some of my favourite iPad educational apps for this age group, in order of usefulness and popularity.

•  Spellosaurus.  You type in the weeks spelling words, and away they go.  The app helps them learn them, and tests them on them.  After two sessions they are usually 'stuck' in his brain.  Awesome.
• WordBingo and MathBingo.  He enjoys both of these.  There is a Junior Bingo too that Miss Three likes.
• Pirate Jack.  An incentive to get homework done, and a bit of fun, with a bit of education thrown in.
•  Hungry Fish - fun way to learn addition, subtraction etc.
• Motion Math - handy timeline.

6.  Educational Activity Books.  These are a useful alternative to technology and another way to mix things up.

7.  Know when to give up.  A teacher friend once told me that, at this age, homework is mostly a chance for your child to show you what they can do (especially reading).  I have mixed feelings about that, as many children NEED to be reading with an adult at home in order to make progress at school.  However overall I believe it is about having a culture of learning at home, tuning into your child and acknowledging that some days they have given their all at school and need downtime at home.

Personally I'd like to see more of the challenge based homework assigned in some schools.  Some weeks or days, it is best to throw in the towel on homework and do our own challenges instead.  Some baking (numercy and literacy), some gardening (maths), some inventing (creativity, literacy), etc.

Do you see the value in homework?  Here is an interesting segment from Radio New Zealand National:

"Two Australian academics have reviewed all international research on homework and have found that for primary school children, it has little or no academic value.

From Morning Report on 25 Oct 2012"

http://www.radionz.co.nz/national/programmes/morningreport/audio/2536504/is-homework-good-for-you

More Time for Cuddles in the Morning

Getting my kids out the door in the morning is like herding cats. There tend to be dramas about what daughter wants to wear, and son seems magnetically attached to his bed. I thought that only applied to teenagers, but he is six!  Of course there are some mornings when he rockets out of bed, either because he has a creative project or just because it is the weekend. He loves school, but he just has so much going on in his head that the tasks and timing requires to get there on time are not a priority. And it takes them both about an hour to eat breakfast!

So what to do to avoid yelling, threatening and still being late?  I found that starting the day slow, with cuddles and a chat seems to lubricate the rest of the morning. That luxury requires organisation ahead of time. Here are some ideas:

1.  Make lunches in advance. 
We need seven lunches a week, two days of pre-school for daughter, and five days school for son. In my mind it is as easy to set up a mini production line and make seven as to make just one or two. Thanks to a Tupperware addiction I have enough of their sandwich keeper boxes for seven sandwiches. There are cheaper alternatives, just a matter of preference really. So I whip up seven sandwiches, pop each into its own box, and into the freezer they go. Thus on school mornings, I just pull one out, add some morning tea, and lunch is done.

2. Put the washing on timer

If you like to get your washing dry outside (and why wouldn't you), then hanging it out in the morning is key when you live in a not so warm climate. So I your washing machine has a timer, use it. Put the wash and the rest in the night before, set and forget. That is one less job to remember in the morning.

And of course all the usual suggestions you already know.... Especially the one about getting to bed earlier!

Give it a shot and let me know your suggestions for other tips. 

Taking Time to Recharge

Do you feel okay from taking some time out from your lists, chores and commitments to recharge?

 

I find this very hard to to. I feel guilty, especially since if I recharge during the week it is whilst my husband is working hard, and shouldn't I be working hard too (unpaid work). And if it is during the weekend I feel like I am stealing time from my children and being a 'bad mother'.  Guilt is a tough feeling to manage... here are some thoughts I find helpful when I am resisting the growing urge for some "me time".

1.  Fit your own oxygen mask first.

I've heard this analogy a lot.  On the plane, during the emergency demonstration, they advise adults to fit their own oxygen masks before assisting their children.  You can imagine why - afterall you cannot help anyone if you are blacked out!  So it is in life that we need to make sure we keep our own energy and enthusiasm tanks full so we can really be there for our kids, instead of being an automation, and perhaps a resentful one at that.

For more on this concept I recommend the book
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (Paperback) By Laura Markham

2.  Think about your working conditions.
If you are a stay at home parent, your working conditions probably read something like this:  no annual leave, no weekends, on-call 24/7, no sick leave, no pay.  I try not to dwell on this, except when I am resisting my own urge for some 'me time'.  I am usually resisting because I feel guilty taking a break.  This ranges anywhere from a quiet cup of tea (aren't there always jobs to be done instead) to something more wild like a movie night with the girls.  So at those times I find it helpful to realise that my time off is not built into my employment contract and I need to find and take the little opportunities as they arise, so that I can refresh and renew and truly be there for my family.

3.  Take mini-breaks
Listen to some music, watch birds in the garden, go for a walk (something you can do with a baby in a buggy!), enjoy a hot cup of tea, call a friend, read or watch something funny, browse the library...... there are many ways to take a little break.  Although what you might really be hanging out for is a long weekend somewhere tropical without the kids (or partner), these little breaks can be enough to help restore some sanity and humour to our lives.

4.  Think kind thoughts.  When you are feeling like you need a break, be kind to yourself about it.  You are doing a tough job and need to treat yourself with the love and kindness with which you want to treat your kids.  Choose love, including for yourself.  If your kids see you taking a moment they are learning a valuable lesson in self management.

Go well, and go easy on yourself.  Be organised, wonderful and sane! 

Kids Stuff - Organising Kids toys etc

Yesterday I was out and about at the shops when I saw a Mum trying to juggle three large plastic crates and a toy box with her buggy... thank fully she had someone to help her.  The occupant of the buggy looked around 9 months old, which took me on a trip down memory lane to that moment with your first child when you realise that not only are the toys (and clutter) here to stay, but that they are gradually taking over your home!!!  I wonder what we did before plastic crates??!!??

Now that my first born is six and a half, I've had plenty of time to grapple with this one, and here are some things I have learned.  Real photos from the real world mean some mess!  Styled photos just leave me feeling a bit frustrated (on a good day) or inadequate (on another day)

1.  Join a toy library.  Seriously this is the key.  This way you borrow toys, your kids get new and exciting toys, and you don't have to store them!  We don't buy many toys, and limit them to Birthday and Christmas.  The Toy Library is fantastic.  So find one and join it today!

2.  If you are lucky enough, and have the room, limit the toys to one room, and organise it.  Here are some photos of our family room toy organisation.

Plastic crates, tubs and buckets make excellent storage.

The kids soon cotton on to what goes where.

An inexpensive table with little crates can be used for lots of things.

Kids desk - note little drawers and desk organiser, along with shelves for organising desk supplies

 

 

 

Make a lego table from an old coffee table,  a raised edge helps keep little bits on the table.

Kids soon learn where things go, and will help tidy up.  You can ease this learning by making it fun, putting on music or having an incentive as to what fun thing will happen when the room is tidied.

Lego has so many little bits and costs too much for me to want to hear it rattle up the vacuum cleaner.  Hence the Lego Table which I made out of an old coffee table.  It was a glass topped coffee table.  I replaced the glass with MDF and added a shelf below as well.  I like the raised edge (reason why I chose a glass topped table) which helps keep little bits from sliding off.  An old tea tray helps with this too.  We are currently experimenting with colour coded storage... not shown in picture.

Drawing and Craft supplies - these are kept at the writing desk.  An Ikea desk organiser is great for storing paper.  We reuse paper that is only printed on one side.  The kids are used to this and think it is cool.  Pens, crayons etc are kept in little drawers which can easily be taken to the main table when bigger projects are underway.  A cardboard box on the desk is used for creations that my son wants to keep but not do anything particular with.  When the box is too full we go through it, making a pile for recycling and a pile for keeping and gluing into a scrapbook.

The Fortnightly Blitz Clean

Here is the deal.  I used to have a cleaner (in a past life, when I worked in a career outside the home).  She could clean my house in three hours once per fortnight and I paid her for it.  She did a great job, and I was sad to see her go.  I always felt lazy and guilty having a cleaner, although it was pretty much a necessity at many points in my career.  So at some point I decided that I would be the cleaner.  I allocate myself three hours once per fortnight (it is in my diary) and I pay myself to do the job.  I like the challenge of getting the job done within the timeframe, which helps me stay focused.  I like being paid too.  To put the three hours in perspective: this is a big house, three bathrooms, five bedrooms and two living areas.  I do well!

It helps to be organised!  This is a mission in efficiency, and good exercise too.  So here is how I go about it.

The night before:
The kids have to tidy up the family room and get all the toys away and off the carpet.  They get ice cream on Sunday nights, so there is a sweetener!

Everyday:
I keep the kitchen clean and appliances and benches wiped.  Once a week I give the sinks and fridge special attention.  Thus the kitchen does not need a special clean.
Keep surfaces clear of clutter and floors reasonably clear.
Use a portable hand-held vacuum to clean mess around dining table, and wipe these floors with floor cloth as needed.

The day of The Clean:
1.  Assemble cleaning gear.
I use a large mop bucket and have the following all ready to go in it:
Small bucket containing: 3 chux clothes (one for each toilet, see my entry on toilet cleaning), 2 old tea towels, enjo bathroom fibre, tea tree oil, old toothbrush, enjo marble paste.
Old napisan container containing enjo bathroom maid
Bicarb in shakeable container
Spray bottle containing white vinegar and lemon essential oil
Enjofil mirror/glass cloth

I carry it all with me as I go, hence the bucket.

Keep aside and ready: mop, spray bottle containing water. 

2.  Dust.
I use a telescopic handle electrostatic duster.  I used to shun this kind of thing on the basis it just moves the dust around.  But I figure technology has moved on and so have I.   It does the trick.  I dust

skirting boards pictures door frames furniture and stuff on it, books and book cases, Appliances, Light fittings, bathroom fans, Window sills, Blinds. I lift and move stuff, dusting the stuff and under it. I minimise the amount of stuff! I dust 

3.  Vacuum
To me it makes sense to do this after dusting.  I take off the tube and just use the nozzle to do along the skirting boards, and then put the head back on to do the carpets and hard floors.  This is good exercise!  Put some music on and get a workout.

4.  Bathrooms
Now for the cleaning gear in the bucket! Next I do the bathrooms, using my bathroom enjo to do the basins, showers and bath.  I use the enjofil for the mirrors and glass.  Marble paste is handy for the soapscum on the bath (from Bubblebath I think!) and shower.  I have discovered some brands of showergel do not leave this build up and I love them!!  (Try Health Basics!).  I also do the toilets per my post on bathroom cleaning!

5.  Wiping
Time for banisters, handles and light switches.  I use the Enjofil cloth (now pretty damp) to wipe my metal door handles and light switches.  This is good hygiene.

6.  Mopping
I love my Enjo mop.  It is amazing.  All I need do is wet the mop head, squeeze it out slightly, attach it and away we go.  Apart from using a spray bottle with water (and sometimes some essential oil) to wet the floors after the initial couple of rooms, I do not need to wring, squeeze, rinse or anything like that.  It is simply awesome.   I start with the kitchen, then family dining, then hallway, then bathrooms and finish in the laundry.  The floor is really clean and I am done.
Check out these youtube videos on the Enjo Mop:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy7RTOhn7C0 - You have to watch this through and see the difference between the Enjo mop and regular mopping, amazing!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjF9bV5bD8I

7. Extra Jobs per rota
I have a cleaning rota of jobs that don't need to be done every fortnight, and I schedule them in a to-do list in my phone.  I check which job is due this fortnight and get it done.  Examples include: wiping screens and monitors, tidying up the spare room, cleaning the high areas (skylight void) in the bathroom, wiping the outside of the front door, etc.